Posts Tagged ‘40s’

The Dating World

As many people know, dating in your mid to late 30s on up is a whole different ball game. Add in there divorce and children, and the dynamics change that much more. In my dating escapades, I tend to meet men who are looking to get married and they want children. Their reasoning for the children is usually one of two: either they screwed it up so badly the first time that they want to see what it’s like to be an involved father or; they have never had children and they want to. 

My dating philosophy is nothing like this. I have a 15 year old and an 8 year old. I am done having children. I first married at 18 years old and as such, I have never had any “me” time. I am looking forward to the time when my children are raised and I can enjoy life for myself. Selfish, but true. 

Secondly, I am not looking to get married. Ultimately, it would probably be nice, but it isn’t what I am looking for. I simply want a relationship. I want to find a man that I enjoy being with, we are in a monogamous relationship, but he has his life and I have mine. When things line up, we are together, but when they don’t, we are fine with that, too. He has his home, I have mine. Surprisingly, this has proven very difficult to find. 

One such relationship ended about two years ago and not on very good terms. Although we had only been dating for a few months, he was looking to get married yet couldn’t admit it. He was hinting at having me clean his house and was trying to come over to my home on a daily basis for me to cook for him. This was not and is not what I want. I already have children, I am not looking to take care of anyone else. It needs to be a two way street. Anyway, that finally put an end to the relationship and it ended pretty sourly. It wasn’t ugly and we didn’t fight, but he definitely knew where I stood. 

Within a few weeks, he was proclaiming that he had “met the love of (his) life” and that they were “planning (their) lives together”. Yay. More power to them and proof that I was right. Anyway, as things would have it, he is now doing business with a colleague. My paths don’t cross with this person often and I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t even know her name and furthermore, I don’t remember his last name. Yet, upon discovering that we work together, he asked her to tell me hi. I am so puzzled by this. Truth be told, if the tables were turned, I would have never brought him up to her. 

From the sounds of it, not only did he marry the “love of his life,” he has also divorced her. Within two years of dating me, breaking up, finding the love of his life, and marrying her, he has also managed to divorce her. “Wow” is the only word that manages to escape me. How do I manage to find these men?


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I stopped by the local Dutch Bros to pick up an Iced Milky Way. Soon, I fell into an easy conversation with the guy working the counter. He asked if I had any fun plans for the weekend and then explained that, as punishment for partying, he would be spending Saturday cleaning his girlfriend’s garage, although, it “was worth it.” I learned that he is a student at the local community college and although he doesn’t quite know what he wants to do, he is leaning towards psychology which is what really got our conversation flowing. I mentioned that one of the biggest injustices of our schools is that we no longer have counselors and the conversation went on and on from there. It was an excellent conversation. He was very knowledgeable about the school system and today’s children. I think it was the best conversation that I have had in weeks and bits of it continue to replay through my mind. 

The greatest impact that the whole conversation had on me? The fact that he “started school in 1992.” That means that I am nearly old enough to be his mother. How did this happen??? I know that I am older than these young coffee bistros, but come on, old enough to be their mother??? Somehow, the fact that I have a 15 year old daughter, the fact that I have lived life, the fact that I have continued to age has escaped me. In my mind, I’m still 30. I am an adult, but I am not an aging adult which leaves me to wonder, just how old do these young adults think I am? Am I simply another adult face in the crowd that judges teens with contempt? Am I someone’s mother? Just another customer? Have I, in my years of living, lost my identity and simply become just another face in the crowd?

The irony is, that in the last ten years, I have truly began to live my life and discover who I am. Is it possible that as I have blossomed, I have also, somehow, become just another face in the crowd?

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I am completely curious about this. It seems that advice books for women say not to put out on the first date if you are looking for a relationship. I was watching something on tv the other night, paying such close attention that I can’t even tell you what the show was or who the celebreties were, but the topic of sex on the first date was brought up. So the host asked these three male celebrities their opinion. I don’t really remember what two of them said. They may have said nothing or I had simply tuned them out, it’s hard to say. The third agreed that if a woman wanted a relationship, that she should not have sex on the first date. He then went on to say that despite his advice/opinon, he has actually had relationships with several women whom he did have sex with on the first date, totally contradicting his previous advice. Of course, he recognized this and also saw the humor in it. Anyway, I know it’s an opinion thing, but what do you think? Leave me a comment. Are you male or female, single or married, and your age range (20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.) . If you don’t want to comment, at least take my poll!

As for me, I don’t think that there is a cut and dry answer. I’m a single female in my 30s and I really think it all depends on many factors.

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