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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

As the new year begins, many of us find ourselves reflecting on the past year. I’m not one to make new year’s resolutions, but I am one to reflect. 2009 was a hard year and I am optimistic that 2010 will be much better. I struggled with depression last year in degrees that I have not dealt with since I left my physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive marriage in 2000. I saw myself as worthless and wondered why, instead of being the “miracle” that survived my health, I didn’t just die. I felt that my children didn’t really need me, nor did my job, nor anyone nor anything for that matter. I am not writing in hopes of getting your sympathy, I don’t want it. My life is what it is, the past, the present the future. I strongly believe that all things happen for a reason although we often do not know what that reason is. I write because writing is healing and I am healing.

I could tell you of all of the ups and downs of the past year, the trials, the tribulations, but in the end, it does not matter. What matters is that we survived it. I found myself feeling thankful during this Christmas season. Money is tight, I have hospital bills that I can not pay, collectors calling, most of the gifts that I gave this year were used and did not cost me anything, yet they looked new and my son did not know the difference. I have a home, I have heat, I have a steady job, and I have family and friends that have blessed me. One of these days, I might be able to fully trust those in my life and lean on them as I once did. I wonder why it is that once trust has been broken, it is so hard to re-establish. I am hard pressed to name two people in my life that I fully trust and I find that to be a sad thing. There is no reason for me not to trust others in my life, they have done nothing to cause the lack of trust that I suffer from and I know that, yet I still am unable to trust them. I wait for the day that they will sabotage our friendship and I know this is a pathetic truth. I also know why my trust issues run so deep and where they stem from. Perhaps that is a good thing, but sadly, it makes no difference.

My motto in life has become, “Fake it until you make it.” I’ve told a few people this and they look at me with a puzzled, quizzical smile upon their face. I don’t think they know whether or I am jesting or being genuine. I am genuine. I find that I have “faked” it through most of my life. I’ve put on that mask to disguise the real me. The mask that smiles, is optimistic and generally finds the good in things. The real me is cynical, doubtful, and constantly waiting for the bad to happen. I do love to smile, laugh and joke around, so one of these days I hope that the “fake it me” becomes the real me. I guess she’s in there under all of the baggage.

I did not mean for this post to be a negative one, just a reflective one. If you have made it this far, thanks for “listening”. Here’s to a year of healing!

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“My dog is a shitzu and she really is a shit, but I love her to death.”

I can’t think of a time when my dog hasn’t wanted to be with me. Unlike the shitzu, my dog is a hundred pound mutt somewhere between a rottweiller and a labrador. When she hears me pull into the drive way, she yowls loudly. She also does this when I pick her up from the dog groomer. There is no doubt that my dog loves me. This is apparent to all. She doesn’t ask much of me; food, water, an ear or belly scratch here and there, some simple conversation affirming just how much I love her, a bath, and a brush.

Sure, there have been times when I have not been happy with her. For instance, there was the time when I left my brand new ski jacket out and for whatever reason, she felt that it was wise to chew holes in the pockets. She loves to eat crayons, so those must be kept up. Her drama is pretty minor and definitely bearable. The few times that she has had accidents in the house have truly been my fault for leaving her too long. She has never caused significant damage, never nipped or bit anyone. She is a very good dog in all actuality.

If men really were dogs, I am confident that women would be happier. We would always know that he is completely “into us”, that he would do anything for us, and that we really do mean the world to him. Why is it so hard to find a dog of a man?

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There are many signs that stamp one’s daughter as a young woman – the first bra, the first date, the first boyfriend, makeup, shaving her legs. The list is endless, but perhaps the most significant is when she is on the pill. This is a hard time for the parents in so many ways.

I have never been a parent that is afraid or hesitant to talk to my children about anything. We have very open dialogues about vast subjects. Sex and drugs have always been two primary topics. I am still old fashioned in my beliefs about sex. I do not believe that teens should be having sex. I don’t feel that they are emotionally ready for this endeavor. Many teens enter sex for one of two reasons: their hormones are raging and they lose control, or they are looking for love and hoping to find it through sex.

Our sex conversations have always been on the lines of, “You know I don’t want you having sex (various reasons given), but inevitably, the choice is yours. You will find yourself in a situation where you will make the choice. Before you get there, it is far more important to me that you are protected so come to me and we will get you on the pill.”  Of course, there’s also the talk of needing to use condoms to prevent STDs, but being on the pill has been a huge one. If and when she becomes sexually active, I want her taken care of. A teen pregnancy will end her dreams.

My daughter has not decided to become sexually active at this point. For this, I am thankful. However, her hormones are simply out of control during her menstrual cycle. During her most recent flare up, she was sure that I absolutely hate her and brought me a large knife while suggesting that since I hate her so much, I should just kill her now. Yikes. These actions have made it apparent that it is time to put her on the pill.

This scares me. She has a boyfriend and I hope that this won’t be the key that tells them that it is ok to have sex. She has shared with me that they have talked about sex and both want to wait, but the day will come when the decision will be made. I guess it is a good thing that she is on the pill, but it is very hard to watch my daughter become such a young woman.

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***WARNING – This is not a well written piece. The title should have been your first clue.   🙂

I am a firm believer in fate. I believe that if things are meant to be, they will be. I am at a point in my life in which I am waiting to see what fate is offering me. I am puzzled by it, enthused by it, excited by it. I am also terrible at waiting.

About two years ago, someone walked into my life as an acquaintance. I have never had the opportunity to get to know him due to circumstances. We had a professional relationship that really would have been awkward to breech. That relationship has since ended and circumstances put him into my life on a personal level. After having a secret crush on him for two years, we are now in the very beginning stages of dating. I hate this stage. The waiting, the not knowing, the wondering.

I have found that dating at this stage in my life is a completely different game. Well, of course it is since I was first married at 18. In adult dating, we seem to cut to the chase quicker, even breaking the “rules” of dating in many cases. We establish whether or not we want children, if we have any plans to move or are in the area for the long haul, and religious beliefs early on. We look at our list of things that are unacceptable and if the man or woman meets any of those criteria, we are quick to cross them off and move on. We have a firmer grip of who we are and what we are looking for in a relationship.

Some couples play the field more and date several people. I haven’t found this to be true for myself nor for the men that I have dated. I know at least one continued to play the field while we were together, and that was fine. I knew we weren’t in it for the long haul and it was fun while it lasted. One man told me that one woman is enough and he can’t handle trying to balance/date more than one woman at a time. I think that statement sums it up for most of us that are looking for that lasting relationship.

I find myself questioning things, not sure what to do. My gut tells me that I should do something, and I seem to have to ask someone else for their opinion just to confirm my thoughts. The reality is that I have waited for two years to get to know this man, never expecting to. We are clicking on all levels so far and I am wondering if possibly, just possibly, this could be fate…or is it just a woman looking and hoping to be in a relationship?

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Me – Have you ever noticed all of the dating advertisements on the side of Facebook? C, we have a match for you!

Daughter – Yeah, it’s really annoying.

Son to me – I don’t know why anyone would want to date you.

Umm, thanks son!!!

“That’s not what I meant. I just mean, well people are old. Why would old people date?”

So not helping here.

Son, you have the talent of most men. You say what you mean, it comes out wrong. You try to explain yourself. You make it worse. Congratulations!!  At 8 years old, you may have achieved manhood.

😉

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The Dating World

As many people know, dating in your mid to late 30s on up is a whole different ball game. Add in there divorce and children, and the dynamics change that much more. In my dating escapades, I tend to meet men who are looking to get married and they want children. Their reasoning for the children is usually one of two: either they screwed it up so badly the first time that they want to see what it’s like to be an involved father or; they have never had children and they want to. 

My dating philosophy is nothing like this. I have a 15 year old and an 8 year old. I am done having children. I first married at 18 years old and as such, I have never had any “me” time. I am looking forward to the time when my children are raised and I can enjoy life for myself. Selfish, but true. 

Secondly, I am not looking to get married. Ultimately, it would probably be nice, but it isn’t what I am looking for. I simply want a relationship. I want to find a man that I enjoy being with, we are in a monogamous relationship, but he has his life and I have mine. When things line up, we are together, but when they don’t, we are fine with that, too. He has his home, I have mine. Surprisingly, this has proven very difficult to find. 

One such relationship ended about two years ago and not on very good terms. Although we had only been dating for a few months, he was looking to get married yet couldn’t admit it. He was hinting at having me clean his house and was trying to come over to my home on a daily basis for me to cook for him. This was not and is not what I want. I already have children, I am not looking to take care of anyone else. It needs to be a two way street. Anyway, that finally put an end to the relationship and it ended pretty sourly. It wasn’t ugly and we didn’t fight, but he definitely knew where I stood. 

Within a few weeks, he was proclaiming that he had “met the love of (his) life” and that they were “planning (their) lives together”. Yay. More power to them and proof that I was right. Anyway, as things would have it, he is now doing business with a colleague. My paths don’t cross with this person often and I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t even know her name and furthermore, I don’t remember his last name. Yet, upon discovering that we work together, he asked her to tell me hi. I am so puzzled by this. Truth be told, if the tables were turned, I would have never brought him up to her. 

From the sounds of it, not only did he marry the “love of his life,” he has also divorced her. Within two years of dating me, breaking up, finding the love of his life, and marrying her, he has also managed to divorce her. “Wow” is the only word that manages to escape me. How do I manage to find these men?

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I AM Funny, Damnit!!

Have you ever noticed that on online dating profiles everyone claims to be funny? My question is simple. If all of these people are so funny, why isn’t this world a hell of a lot more fun? I have a hard time believing that Tom, Dick AND Harry are all funny. Tom might be funny. I’m going to guess that Dick is, well, you know. And Harry? Ok, now Harry, he’s funny! But all three of them? Nah. They aren’t all funny, not even close. Tom can be funny in the right circumstances, Dick is more uptight than not, you get the picture. Also, really, who defines funny? Here’s an eye opener for you…I define funny. Yep, me, myself and I. Just because you think you are funny, that means diddly squat to me. Prove it already and if you can’t prove it, don’t write it on your profile. 

Unlike all the people who claim to be funny, I really am. How do we know this? See above paragraph. I define funny. There you have it. Therefore, if I say that I am funny, I am. Deal with it. 

Seriously, I have noticed that the popular blogs for the most part are light-hearted and fairly comical. My blogs? Yeah, not so much. They are boring. Even I get bored when I write them, but I write them anyways. I am not sure why. I guess it’s just kind of nice to post things to the world. For instance, tonight, even though I was dead tired, I made myself file my taxes and I am very excited to be done with them. Now, who really cares about that? No one except my children and I who will now anxiously await my federal return so I can pay my state return (damnit). Oh well, I still end up posting it. 

So here’s the thing about me. I can be serious. I have to be serious in my career and as a parent. However, I use humor constantly throughout my day. I am known as being a funny person. So why can’t I write a funny blog? This really perturbs me. I am trying very hard to figure out how to be comical in my writing. Bare with me here….or is it bear with me? I will find my. In the meantime, any constructive criticism you have is helpful. nitch

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