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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Sometimes life hands us things and we don’t know what to do with it. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? It sure seems like a good thing, but there are things that have you questioning it all. At least that’s how it works in my brain.

Life has made me cautious, very cautious. In many ways this is a good thing. I tend to be able to read people like a book. I can generally let you know if someone is worth getting to know before they have opened their mouth. I can read body language and facial expressions well and I’m usually dead on.  I’ve learned to listen to my instincts and to rely on them.

I seem to be on this new path lately. Life veered significantly off trail just over a year ago and I seem to finally be at a place where I can start living again. Too bad it has taken so long. It seems like a wasted year, but that’s not fair to myself nor fair to the lessons that I have surely learned and am yet to realize.

There is much to be said about my life at the moment and so little that I actually want to say. Leann Rimes does a nice job of summing it up; Something’s Gotta Give.

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It is not his bed, it is mine. It is meant for me and me alone, yet night after night he crawls in with me. I hear his soft breathing in my ear, the heat of his body against mine. He gently strokes my hair and proclaims his love for me. I reach out, my hand caressing his cheek. I replace my hand with my lips. I had only intended to give him one kiss, but my mouth has become engulfed with the subtlety of his cheek and one kiss is no longer adequate. 

My heart overfills with the love that we share. The little irritants are erased and our love is rekindled. I know that he loves me and appreciates me. I no longer recall the name calling and defiance, the sibling rivalry. This is my son. The child that was formed within me. The child that I have loved since before birth. He is miraculously mine, born of me and yet completely separate. 

I enfold him in my arms. I listen as his heart slows, his breathing becomes deeper. Soon, I know he is asleep. I let him be with me for another hour or so, just long enough to know that moving him will not re-awaken him. I will lead him to his bed, tuck him and return to mine knowing that my son loves me and knowing the secret that he is not capable of loving me nearly as much as I love him.

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At what age do little boys grow up enough that they don’t want to sleep with their mothers?

I have a little boy. He is 8 years old. In fact, he has only been 8 for a matter of weeks. Tonight, he fell asleep on the couch (early – at like 7:00!). So, I peeled off his glasses, covered him up and left him there to sleep. Although my little boy is little in age, he is not little in size. For some reason, I have mammoth sized children. He is a little over a hundred pounds and while I don’t know his exact height, he comes past my shoulders. He is even taller than some of my fifth grade students. In fact, he is taller than quite a few of them. At approximately 10:30, he woke up and crawled in bed with me. Upon my suggestion that I walk him to his bed and tuck him in, he respectfully declined. While I don’t particularly like to sleep with him, I recognize that this is a treasure, a gift. How much longer do I have? 

He is my soft hearted one. He doesn’t like Mom to be sad or upset. He will gently pat me, hug me or kiss – as long as there is no one around. Getting him to give me a hug in public? Not easy, but I can do it. A kiss? Yeah, right. I’d better be prepared to tackle him if I want one of those. If I am lucky, he might let me kiss him, but chances are that he won’t actually kiss me. 

The irony is that I also have a 14 almost 15 year old daughter. She is my fighter. She knows what she wants in life and nothing, nothing will get in her way. While she is kind and caring, patience and affection are not really traits of hers. However, she is not embarrassed to be with Mom in public. She will laugh, tease, put her arm around me, hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, anything

My children come to school with me in the morning. When the bells signals for my son to go to class, he tries to sneak out the door without any form of physical affection. My daughter? When it’s time for her to leave, she finds me and gives me a hug and a kiss – in front of my 33 students and student teacher and anyone else that may be around. 

Oh how I cherish the love from my children. I know that I am blessed. Not to underplay the significance of my son’s love and gentleness, but I know that it is an amazing thing when your teenager is not too embarrassed to be seen with you. My day is probably coming and it will hurt severely, but in the meantime, I sure do cherish it.

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