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Posts Tagged ‘mothers’

The over-sized black dog is curled up in the corner, gently snoring on her fluffy, white bed while a black calico cat rests on the tattered quilt at the feet of the woman of the house. The gentle squeak of a computer chair is heard from the living room, the tap, tap of the ever busy keyboard, the hum of a computer monitor, and the soft singing of a young woman occupy the air. Another cat lets out its meek meow as it beckons for attention, hoping to find either its mother or the young woman at the computer. The turtle tank gurgles from a distant bedroom, an airplane rumbles by, and another dog barks in the distance.

These are the sounds of the night. Occasionally the house will creak or even pop causing momentary tension amongst the ladies, but for the most part, the night is serene. The blackness outside is kept at bay by the iridescent lights from within. Soon, it will change.

The young lady will grow weary and turn off the computer. Enervation will overcome the older woman. Lights will turn to darkness with a mere flip of a switch. As slumber overtakes the house guests, the noises will obliterate. It is at this time that the cats will remember that they are nocturnal creatures and with an abrupt burst through the house, they will leap onto the fireplace to begin their aeronautics. Mid-flight, an ornament will be procured so that fowl play may begin.

The felines run through the house, batting the ornament to and fro. This is easily accomplished on the wooden floors, as is sliding into walls and each other. With a moan, the woman wakes up and listens. She knows what awaits the night, but is optimistic that merely being awake will settle the cats. Of course, this is only false hope and she will reluctantly drag herself out of bed, a hunter on the prowl. The cats, suddenly feigning innocence, flop onto the floor in a humble position hoping the woman will pet them and head back to bed. She does stoop down to give each cat a rub and a gentle chide, but her mission is not diverted. She will find that ornament.

To the woman’s dismay, the small gray cat has placed herself upon the ornament in every attempt to hide her treasure. With a slight laugh, the woman reaches out and takes the ornament. She glances at the tree, the naked bottom half, stripped of its ornaments and Christmas joy, and knows placing the ornament back on the tree is senseless. She places it in a box instead. Inside that box are the other ornaments gathered throughout the season, treasures of the felines. With this, she turns off the hall light and heads back to her room, stopping to admire the tree once more. She notices that it is leaning to the right, slightly more than the day before, and slightly more than the day before that. If the tree isn’t straightened soon, it will fall over. Knowing this, the woman walks away with a smirk for these are the memories of the 2009 Christmas season.

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We hadn’t even left yet when my mom handed me a print off of the map that we would be using to find the fabric store. It was from Mapquest.

Mom, this map is useless. It doesn’t show how to get to the street that we need.

That’s ok. I have been there before. I know how to get there.

Are you sure, Mom? We could take my car and I can use my GPS system.

No, we’ll be fine. Besides, this will be fun.

It was fun, for about the first hour of what should have been a 30 minute drive. It was fun, until I began to realize that not only did my mom have no idea where she was going, but that I, even though I was from out of town and did not know the area, I had a better sense of direction than she did, although she would not listen to me. It was fun, until she wanted to ask some gangster how to find the fabric shop. Ok, that in and of itself was hilarious, but trying to find a fabric store for 2 hours instead of the 30 minutes that it should have taken? Yeah, not so fun.

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My daughter has been texting D for quite sometime. I figured that there was something between them, but got tired of asking. The other day, she asked if she could hang at the mall with D and J. I had to go anyways, so I didn’t mind dropping her off. We looked at the makeup and after she picked out what she needed, she was off to meet her friends. Not long after, I text her to come back because I found a shade that I thought she might like. 

She came back walking hand in hand with D. 

I smiled and said, “Wait a minute. Boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Sheepish grin, “Yes.”

“When did this happen?”

“Last night.”

He was perfectly nice and insisted on shaking my hand even though it had make up all over it. Tonight he asked daughter if I like him. 

“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know him. I’d have to talk to him a lot more.”

Ha! How cute that he wants me to like him. He’s got a few things going for him:

1. He came to meet me when he didn’t have to.
2. He was a gentleman and insisted on shaking my make up covered hand.
3. He cares if I like him or not.

I will have to kick his ass if he hurts my girl, though. I must be perfectly clear about that.

😀

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I grabbed my phone to check for messages. There was a text message waiting for me from someone that I seldom hear from. 

“J’s having a girl.”

First reaction: “Oh. I didn’t even know that she’s pregnant.” 

Almost immediately afterwards, “What the hell is she doing pregnant!?!?! She is a case for sterilization!” 

Let’s look at the facts. She’s maybe 24. Had her first some some 10 years ago. Yeah, that’s right. Do the math. He was put in custody once it was established that she was an unfit mother. If she agreed to get her GED (she had dropped out of school), go through rehab (uh huh), establish routine visitations, etc. etc., she could earn her right to motherhood back. This lasted for several years before the courts finally decided enough was enough and her son was adopted by the foster family that was caring for him. 

A few years later, she meets a new “man.” They are both in and out of prison for domestic violence which includes acts of attempted homicide against each other. Neither have a GED or any other kind of education. They can’t hold down jobs. They are obviously a mess, yet she gets pregnant. She has baby number two for less than two years before she loses him (seriously, why was she able to keep him so long??)

Now, she’s pregnant again. How am I supposed to respond to this text? I sure as heck am not happy about it. I’m appalled and I WILL NOT pretend to be excited. She is not capable of being a loving mother. She simply can not be. She has a long list of short term imprisonment, has lost custody to her two previous children, etc., etc. 

I contacted someone that works with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate – it’s nice to have some connections) and asked HOW it is that these people can keep having children. WHY is it that each child is looked at separately?  This simply isn’t right. I’m all about being given a chance to prove yourself, but when you can’t prove yourself and you refuse to take the necessary steps to raise your child, you do not deserve any more chances until you are will to jump through those hoops. I would do anything to prove myself a fit mother. Anything. She was not willing to take basic steps and yet she is given a second chance. My CASA connection informed me that if someone contacts Children Services, they do have reasonable cause now and will confiscate the baby upon birth. Please let me find out when the baby is due and where she’ll be having that child! That child does not deserve to be put through what she will put it through before it is placed into custody.

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It was a good day. I’m embarrassed to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from today, but perhaps that is why it turned out to be a good one. There are actually many reasons why I wasn’t expecting much, but primarily because my birthday came and went with barely and utterance from my children. Throw on top of that the fact that I have been pretty sick the last few days and realistically, I didn’t expect to be up and about, let alone feeling appreciated. 

Today was the first day that I was able to eat and as such, my daughter ended up BBQing a steak dinner complete with chocolate cake for dessert. Prior to that, the kids and I spent time planting tomatoes and various plants. We got the computer up and running after a hiatus from which I needed to reformat it which, of course, means re-installing everything as well. 

I heard from friends that I haven’t heard from in quite some time wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day. One friend and I reconnected and it simply felt wonderful. Seems we have both been going through similar stuff in this big bad world. 

My children actually fought very little as far as sibling rivalry goes. There was definitely more positive interaction than negative which is always a plus. 

All in all, it was simply a good day.

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I stopped by the local Dutch Bros to pick up an Iced Milky Way. Soon, I fell into an easy conversation with the guy working the counter. He asked if I had any fun plans for the weekend and then explained that, as punishment for partying, he would be spending Saturday cleaning his girlfriend’s garage, although, it “was worth it.” I learned that he is a student at the local community college and although he doesn’t quite know what he wants to do, he is leaning towards psychology which is what really got our conversation flowing. I mentioned that one of the biggest injustices of our schools is that we no longer have counselors and the conversation went on and on from there. It was an excellent conversation. He was very knowledgeable about the school system and today’s children. I think it was the best conversation that I have had in weeks and bits of it continue to replay through my mind. 

The greatest impact that the whole conversation had on me? The fact that he “started school in 1992.” That means that I am nearly old enough to be his mother. How did this happen??? I know that I am older than these young coffee bistros, but come on, old enough to be their mother??? Somehow, the fact that I have a 15 year old daughter, the fact that I have lived life, the fact that I have continued to age has escaped me. In my mind, I’m still 30. I am an adult, but I am not an aging adult which leaves me to wonder, just how old do these young adults think I am? Am I simply another adult face in the crowd that judges teens with contempt? Am I someone’s mother? Just another customer? Have I, in my years of living, lost my identity and simply become just another face in the crowd?

The irony is, that in the last ten years, I have truly began to live my life and discover who I am. Is it possible that as I have blossomed, I have also, somehow, become just another face in the crowd?

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Boys should come with a warning:

May smell. Showers are limited and must be forced. 

What is it about boys that they can’t stand to take showers? My kid stinks. He needs a shower. While I worked in the yard, mowed, lawn mower maintenance, etc, he played in the dirt, the weeds, the grass, everything outside and now he stinks. Sadly, this doesn’t phase him. 

His sister started taking daily showers in the second grade. He’s in the second grade, but showers only come after a battle. Currently, he has waisted nearly 30 minutes trying to come up with ways to avoid the shower including, “All I need is a bucket so I can dump water on my head. That’s all I really need to wash is my hair.” 

Also…

“I don’t want to take a shower. Why do I have to take a shower?”

Me, “I don’t want to smell you. You STINK! Go take a shower, NOW.”

Praise God, I finally hear the water running and his body just slinked in. It’s about time!

I’ll be working on those warning labels.

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