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Posts Tagged ‘parents’

We hadn’t even left yet when my mom handed me a print off of the map that we would be using to find the fabric store. It was from Mapquest.

Mom, this map is useless. It doesn’t show how to get to the street that we need.

That’s ok. I have been there before. I know how to get there.

Are you sure, Mom? We could take my car and I can use my GPS system.

No, we’ll be fine. Besides, this will be fun.

It was fun, for about the first hour of what should have been a 30 minute drive. It was fun, until I began to realize that not only did my mom have no idea where she was going, but that I, even though I was from out of town and did not know the area, I had a better sense of direction than she did, although she would not listen to me. It was fun, until she wanted to ask some gangster how to find the fabric shop. Ok, that in and of itself was hilarious, but trying to find a fabric store for 2 hours instead of the 30 minutes that it should have taken? Yeah, not so fun.

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My children and I went to visit the family. We had a family BBQ so that “everyone (could) see (me)”.

Both of my grandmothers were there. They are approaching 90. My parents were there. They are well into their 60s. One set of aunt/uncle were there whom I am guessing are in their 50s. My brother who is very loud and we have nothing in common was also there with his 3 children who are considerably younger than my 2.

It turns out that my parents told my grandma not to invite a lot of family because I don’t want all of the noise. So instead, they recommended that grandma invite my aunt/uncle that I haven’t seen in about 20 years. However, my parents have since become re-aquatinted with them. Who was that BBQ for?

I later told my mom that I feel out of place at those gatherings. Her response?

C, you need to just jump in and join the conversation.

My mom and aunt were talking about sewing machines and quilting. I don’t sew.

My brother and uncle were talking about Spike TV. I don’t have television.

My grandmas were talking about some old cat named Jake and bad drivers. Although I don’t know anything about Jake, I do know about bad drivers and my one grandma who is going blind qualifies as a bad driver, yet she doesn’t think so and continues to drive. Probably not a good idea to insert my opinion on that topic.

So Mom, which conversation should I just jump into?

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Do you guys want to do something?

Sure. We can go to Ikea.

Well, I don’t want to walk around anywhere.

Ummm…so when you asked if we wanted to do something, what exactly did you have in mind, Mom?

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I was raised in a very conservative home…very conservative. Ideas such as “whenever the church doors are open, you need to be there,” and “women are meant to be submissive” were common phrases that I heard growing up. Of course the list is longer, but those two phrases sum up my upbringing pretty nicely. Let’s add to those the fact that if it weren’t for my mom, I would have been required to wear a dress on a daily basis and absolutely no makeup or pierced ears. Thank God Mom balanced Dad out and he wasn’t so strict that she wasn’t allowed to have a voice. 

Fast forward several years. I am now a single mother and my home is not conservative. In fact, I think I have done a pretty nice job of teaching my children to consider both sides of every story and then to draw their own conclusions/opinions. That being said, my daughter has always been one to beat to her own drum. She has always had strong ideas, insight and opinions. She has always been confident in who she is. One of the ways that she chooses to express herself is by putting streaks of color in her hair. The color changes as she grows bored, but she has been known to have red, pink, purple and blue. About a year and a half ago, as “payment” for having to babysit her younger brother for a week while I worked my 40 plus hours, she was allowed to get her nose piereced. 

Shortly after this event took place, my parents came to town for a visit. While out to eat at a nice restaurant, my dad started commenting to me about how he likes her hair and that it really fits her personality. He also mentioned that he was not too sure about the nose piercing which was only a small diamond stud, and then went on to further express concern that he “just hopes she doesn’t start getting tattoos” and bringing up the fact that tattoos are permanent. After commenting on tattoos for a short bit, he paused for further conversation. My response, “So would now be a good time to tell you that I got a tattoo?”

I will always cherish that moment. My father turned bright red and was absolutely speechless for about five minutes. In all of my life, I have never seen my father in this state.

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That got your attention, didn’t it? LOL

I got my panties in a wad tonight. Without sending you to the post that I was referring to, let me say a few things:

1a. Just because you are 18 or 19 years old, you are NOT an adult. Sorry. You can’t even legally drink yet (in America…this whole post is to Americans unless it applies to other countries, too. lol) 
1b. Until you have moved out of your parents’ home and stopped depending on them to provide for you, you are not an adult. If you are 30 before you can make it on your own, you are not an adult. Don’t get me completely wrong here. I’m not talking to the people that have hit rock bottom financially, I’m talking to the people who have never stood on their own two feet. Your parents buy your groceries, do your laundry, clean the house (and your room!), etc. You are not a grown up. Start buying groceries, pay your parents rent, clean the house. Until you can move out and act like an adult, quit whining and throwing a fit about your parents’ rules. If you live in a dorm, you are still not an adult. Sorry. 
2. Just because you are an Eagle Scout, most of us don’t find you that impressive. Keep your values, but move on once you graduate high school…and then reteach those values to your children when the day comes.
3. Don’t make plans to be a senator, let alone a president, until you have lived life a bit. Learn about laws. Learn about the system. Do some internship or even get a job in the public sector (social work, schools, etc.) and then the political sector BEFORE you make that decision. I’m not saying disregard that dream, but make sure you really understand what it is about first.
4. I am tired of the right-winged Christians judging everyone without getting the facts first. I will not go to hell for this. I am sure that Jesus agrees with this. I find some of the movements a slap in Jesus’ face. We are to live by His example. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where he disowned people because they were gay, prostitutes, sinners, whatever. No, He says to love the sinner. So why can’t you stop preaching against all of these people and actually find some LOVE for them. Maybe your loving them would make them give 2 cents about what you have to say and THEN they’d be willing to listen. Argh. Think about this!!! Love the sinner, hate the sin. Kind of like when your own children have disappointed you. You may be upset and angry with them and disapprove of their choice(s), but you still LOVE them and you make sure that they know this. Where is the love?
5. Before you attack the public school system, take part in it. Find out what the curriculum really is. Go to the PTO meetings and board meetings. Be an active member of the school and community. The public schools are ran by the community. YOU decide what is taught there more than anything else. Also, don’t judge the whole school on ONE bad teacher. I readily admit that there are some BAD teachers out there, but there are some amazing ones, too.
6. Martin Luther King Jr. was an incredible man who deserves to be recognized and celebrated.  
7. I will always be sad when I think of Princess Diana. She did not deserve to die…not that most people do, but you know.
8. Barack Obama scares me. He’s too smooth of a talker. I hope he’s a good president, but I don’t understand why everyone seems to be blindly following him. I really do hope he turns out to be as great as everyone seems to think he will be. Maybe, just maybe, he will be our next JFK.
9. 6, 7, and 8 really had nothing to do with this post, but I wanted to say them anyways.
10. (another one I want to say just because) My ex-husband, father of my child, and friend, is serving his third term in Iraq. Yes, his THIRD. No one deserves to be over there that many times. It breaks my heart. Once is once too many. Three? I just can’t even go there. Once, I guess I can see that is what you signed up for when you joined the military, but THREE? Three freakin’ times???? Come on already. Time to put an end to this BS (and please don’t tie this into Obama and how he will put an end to it…we don’t know that and only time will really tell). Yep, I’m skeptical.

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