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Posts Tagged ‘past’

Life, the Fight

I’m writing a blog. It’s a painful blog and I can only write a bit at a time, but it’s a blog that I feel that I must write. Funny how long some things take to heal so that we can move on. Funny how much we carry around, buried deep within us, stories of who we are, who we used to be, and how these experiences have come to shape us. 

I used to wish that I could go back in my past and change parts of my life. Within the last couple of years, I have come to realize that those experiences have made me the person that I am. They have caused me to find my strength, my self worth, and my determination. I am a fighter and I will overcome.

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Ramblings

(Bare with me, I do eventually get to a point)

I want to post, but I am somewhat postless right now. In fact, some may even argue that I am postal. Ok, I’m not postal so we can stop worrying about that because I am sure that the fact that I posted the word postal made you sincerely believe that I may indeed be postal and you were getting ready to call in enforcement. However, now that I have stated that I am not, we can all relax and you can ponder who you might call instead. Of course, this would be the time that you would answer, “Ghost Busters!” and those of us who watched the movie at the drive in movie theater will be flooded with memories of an era long gone. This is very sad.

Drive in theaters are definitely a fading legacy along with 8 tracks, record players, computers larger than my living room, and generations who left their front door unlocked so neighbors could come and go at whim. I wonder what things are a part of my children’s lives that will be long gone once they are adults. Perhaps the cell phone will be replaced with a simple ear piece. Maybe the Jetsons’ mode of transportation will be a reality. 

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Last week was a rough week and this year in general has been a rough year beginning in April of 2008 and continuing on. I hope things will start looking up. The positive is that things are not nearly as bad as they once were. I have quite a story to share and the reality is, I don’t think anyone really knows my story. Many know bits and pieces, but I am hard pressed to think of anyone who knows it all. I wonder if one of these days I will finally have someone to share my life with. The sad thing is, I truly doubt it. How do we end up where we are? I simply do not know. 

The picture on the top of my page flashes me back to a simpler time. I don’t know how I managed to find it for it is a nameless bridge from my memories, a bridge from my childhood. I grew up in Idaho and we found ourselves driving over this bridge many times; camping adventures, Sunday drives, day trips here and there. I don’t know what it is about that bridge that makes my heart ache so much, but it does. 

When my daughter first saw the picture, she told me that it was ugly and I needed to change it. I briefly explained that it had meaning to me and that was the end of the conversation. Somehow, her words tore at me as if she were telling me that my childhood was ugly. Funny how the most innocent statements can cut so deeply. 

I find myself longing for those simpler times a lot lately. My first love, ice sculptures in McCall, youth group. More than wanting to revisit those times, I wish that I could introduce my children to the innocence of that life. I was by no means innocent or perfect, but my life was so much easier than the life that my children have been dealt. Maybe the truth is the mere fact that I have had to grow up and in growing up, we lose the innocence, our perspective changes, and we see what is really around us. Could it be that “easy”?

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