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Posts Tagged ‘single mom’

***WARNING – This is not a well written piece. The title should have been your first clue. ¬† ūüôā

I am a firm believer in fate. I believe that if things are meant to be, they will be. I am at a point in my life in which I am waiting to see what fate is offering me. I am puzzled by it, enthused by it, excited by it. I am also terrible at waiting.

About two years ago, someone walked into my life as an acquaintance. I have never had the opportunity to get to know him due to circumstances. We had a professional relationship that really would have been awkward to breech. That relationship has since ended and circumstances put him into my life on a personal level. After having a secret crush on him for two years, we are now in the very beginning stages of dating. I hate this stage. The waiting, the not knowing, the wondering.

I have found that dating at this stage in my life is a completely different game. Well, of course it is since I was first married at 18. In adult dating, we seem to cut to the chase quicker, even breaking the “rules” of dating in many cases. We establish whether or not we want children, if we have any plans to move or are in the area for the long haul, and religious beliefs early on. We look at our list of things that are unacceptable and if the man or woman meets any of those criteria, we are quick to cross them off and move on. We have a firmer grip of who we are and what we are looking for in a relationship.

Some couples play the field more and date several people. I haven’t found this to be true for myself nor for the men that I have dated. I know at least one continued to play the field while we were together, and that was fine. I knew we weren’t in it for the long haul and it was fun while it lasted. One man told me that one woman is enough and he can’t handle trying to balance/date more than one woman at a time. I think that statement sums it up for most of us that are looking for that lasting relationship.

I find myself questioning things, not sure what to do. My gut tells me that I should do something, and I seem to have to ask someone else for their opinion just to confirm my thoughts. The reality is that I have waited for two years to get to know this man, never expecting to. We are clicking on all levels so far and I am wondering if possibly, just possibly, this could be fate…or is it just a woman looking and hoping to be in a relationship?

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It was a good day. I’m embarrassed to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from today, but perhaps that is why it turned out to be a good one. There are actually many reasons why I wasn’t expecting much, but primarily because my birthday came and went with barely and utterance from my children. Throw on top of that the fact that I have been pretty sick the last few days and realistically, I didn’t expect to be up and about, let alone feeling appreciated.¬†

Today was the first day that I was able to eat and as such, my daughter ended up BBQing a steak dinner complete with chocolate cake for dessert. Prior to that, the kids and I spent time planting tomatoes and various plants. We got the computer up and running after a hiatus from which I needed to reformat it which, of course, means re-installing everything as well. 

I heard from friends that I haven’t heard from in quite some time wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day. One friend and I reconnected and it simply felt wonderful. Seems we have both been going through similar stuff in this big bad world.¬†

My children actually fought very little as far as sibling rivalry goes. There was definitely more positive interaction than negative which is always a plus. 

All in all, it was simply a good day.

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piggy

She died. I knew I would be sad the day that it happened. I relied on her. I could tell just by looking at her that she was feeling old, getting tired. I knew that one day I would approach her and she simply would not respond. Today was that today. On my birthday, of all days, she has passed on. 

I was on the phone with my mother when I discovered it. I was calm. My mom had no idea what was happening. I turned on the water and flipped the switch. I heard a gentle hum, but not the usual triumph and swirl. I got down on my hands and knees. I looked underneath her for that magical reset button. It took me a little bit to find it, but I finally did. I pushed the little orange button several times and tried the switch one last time. Alas, the same gentle hum was the only life I could detect. Defeated, I shared the news with my mom.

She suggested that I put a stick into her and rotate the blades. I tried, and again, no luck. Just for the sake of it, I also tried the reset button a few more times. I tried pressing and holding. I tried pressing and pressing and pressing some more. Nothing worked. We checked the fuse box just to be safe. I am feeling confident that her time has come and for my birthday, I will be purchasing myself a new garbage disposal.

garbage-disposalLet the fun begin! I did some quick internet research and discovered that all garbage disposals are essentially made by one of four companies. The Insinkerator seems to be the most common. The main differences are based on horse power. Tomorrow, I will try to get her to start one more time before beginning my search for a replacement. Afterwards, I will then have to decide whether I will install it myself or call Keith, my dependable and affordable handiman. 

Happy Birthday to ME!!!! Every gal wants a garbage disposal for her birthday, even if it is a day late.

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Boys should come with a warning:

May smell. Showers are limited and must be forced. 

What is it about boys that they can’t stand to take showers? My kid stinks. He needs a shower. While I worked in the yard, mowed, lawn mower maintenance, etc, he played in the dirt, the weeds, the grass, everything outside and now he stinks. Sadly, this doesn’t phase him.¬†

His sister started taking daily showers in the second grade. He’s in the second grade, but showers only come after a battle. Currently, he has waisted nearly 30 minutes trying to come up with ways to avoid the shower including, “All I need is a bucket so I can dump water on my head. That’s all I really need to wash is my hair.”¬†

Also…

“I don’t want to take a shower. Why do I have to take a shower?”

Me, “I don’t want to smell you. You STINK! Go take a shower, NOW.”

Praise God, I finally hear the water running and his body just slinked in. It’s about time!

I’ll be working on those warning labels.

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I’ve been putting off my lawn mower¬†maintenance. For some reason I got it in my head that this would be a cumbersome task. I was wrong. It was a cinch and only took a few minutes. I changed the oil, the filter, the spark plug, added fuel additive, and cleaned it up. It’s funny how we procrastinate things expecting them to be difficult and then they take mere minutes. It’s also funny how these things are chalked up to ¬†be a “man’s job” when they are really no big deal. There’s a certain power a woman discovers by being able to do a “man’s job” by herself.

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So, he contacted the state to get child support lowered. This is all fine and dandy. It is what it is. The state is involved because from day one, he refused to pay child support, thus the need to garnish. Since child support was established and re-established, nearly 7 years have passed. I have a steady income, more than I did 7 years ago, and no longer have child care expenses since my son hangs in my classroom with me after school. That being said, I expected child support to drop. What I did not expect was for it to decrease by 75%. 

Here are some facts:
1. He is a known liar. The first time around, he lied about his income by nearly $20,000.
2. He does seasonal work (construction) so in down seasons, he lives on unemployment. 
3. This is down season which means he is living on unemployment (and it should start picking up again real soon).
4. The state only holds you accountable for 1 month of pay stubs. That being said, as long as he has been on unemployment for about a month, that is the only income that he needs to claim. Not even the 2008 taxes are considered in this.  
5. He is telling the state that he only makes $24,000 a year. In 2002, his taxable income (yep, only his taxable income) was over $50,000. Do we really believe that in the last 7 years his income has decreased by nearly half rather than increase? He has been with the same company for 27 years, working his way up the ladder. 
6. The state calculates parenting time into the figures. The more you see your child, the less you pay. Since the original documents specify parenting time, he is credited for having our son for nearly 100 days out of the year. In¬†actuality, he has not seen our son in over 3 years…since December 2005. ¬†He made plans in Dec 2007 and canceled the night before. He hasn’t called in over a year. Before that, calls were random at best. No Christmas or birthday gifts, let alone phone calls, notes, cards, etc. So he gets credit for seeing his son even though he doesn’t. ¬†
7. I have not been able to find anything that either directly says or implies that layoffs have occurred.  

Looks like I am going to have to hire a lawyer just to make sure that child support is fairly calculated. This sucks. If only I could trust him to be honest, but honesty has never been one of his traits. Had I only realized that before I married him.

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Ok, so I was going to be politically correct and suave, but I don’t feel like it anymore. So, if language offends you, stop reading NOW.¬†

“Ah, fuck it!”

One of the many consequences that my daughter is stuck with is a lack of a phone. If you don’t know why she has consequences, get caught up first by reading here, then here, here,¬†here, here, and finally, here. It’s been a long week. Hell, it’s been a long year, but that isn’t what this particular blog is about. Anyway, I’m betting that you didn’t really click all of those links, so at least take the time to click the last link. It sums everything up rather nicely. Uh hem. As if “rather nicely” has a damn thing to do with any of this because frankly, all of this is bullshit and complete hell. Kind of like parenting. Parenting really is hell. That’s another blog, though. Also, here’s the disclaimer…I really do love my kids and would do anything for them, but parenting is so damn hard. Nice language I have going on here, don’t you think?

Ok, soooooo, back to my topic. My daughter no longer has her phone. I hand her the phone when she leaves for school and she immediately drops it back into my purse when I pick her up. The only reason that she is aloud to have the phone during the school day is because she is on a transfer and I need to pick her up after school. If I get stuck in a meeting or whatever, I must be able to get that message to her. 

Tonight, we stopped and grabbed a pizza before we came home. She received a text message asking if she got her phone back. I replied, asking who it was. Guess who it was? Guess! Guess I demand you!! Yes, it was 17 year old, sneak my daughter out of the house, get her drunk, blah blah boy. So….we had a “chat” and I eventually convinced him to meet us at the pizza parlor. I never told him that it was me, but I did tell him that he needed to come to the pizza parlor and “man up.” GUESS WHAT!!!! HE DID!!! AHAHAHAHAHA

Ok, so the conversation was tough. The kid was shaking and looked like he wanted to cry, but he found the balls to face me and fess up to it all. I can’t say that I like him. I’m too fricken pissed at him still, but it was great to see who the weasel was and to have him actually man up to it all. I was nice. My mother and teacher personalities took over and I talked to them straight about their choices, BUT I CONFRONTED HIM! Oh yeah. I feel good about having met him. I like that he was shaking and looked like he wanted to cry. I like that he took it all seriously and I do believe that he feels like shit about it all which is good. Also, I now know where he LIVES!!!! Hahahahaha

Of course, my daughter’s dad knows nothing about any of this and I don’t plan to tell him. Unfortunately, he has been calling and texting today so I guess that I am going to have to contact him. I’ll let him know that she is grounded for sneaking out, but I’ll leave out the rest of the information. She really is a good kid who made some VERY bad choices. She is in advanced classes and honor roll, drug free, blah blah blah. Sucks for her that she screwed up so badly. We haven’t even talked about all of her consequences yet, but there are some long term ones. I don’t think she’s ready to face them because right now, she’s too busy beating on herself emotionally. As I keep saying, “You made some very stupid choices. Now, you have to learn from them and move on. Don’t let them destroy you, grow from them.”

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