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Posts Tagged ‘single mother’

***WARNING – This is not a well written piece. The title should have been your first clue. ¬† ūüôā

I am a firm believer in fate. I believe that if things are meant to be, they will be. I am at a point in my life in which I am waiting to see what fate is offering me. I am puzzled by it, enthused by it, excited by it. I am also terrible at waiting.

About two years ago, someone walked into my life as an acquaintance. I have never had the opportunity to get to know him due to circumstances. We had a professional relationship that really would have been awkward to breech. That relationship has since ended and circumstances put him into my life on a personal level. After having a secret crush on him for two years, we are now in the very beginning stages of dating. I hate this stage. The waiting, the not knowing, the wondering.

I have found that dating at this stage in my life is a completely different game. Well, of course it is since I was first married at 18. In adult dating, we seem to cut to the chase quicker, even breaking the “rules” of dating in many cases. We establish whether or not we want children, if we have any plans to move or are in the area for the long haul, and religious beliefs early on. We look at our list of things that are unacceptable and if the man or woman meets any of those criteria, we are quick to cross them off and move on. We have a firmer grip of who we are and what we are looking for in a relationship.

Some couples play the field more and date several people. I haven’t found this to be true for myself nor for the men that I have dated. I know at least one continued to play the field while we were together, and that was fine. I knew we weren’t in it for the long haul and it was fun while it lasted. One man told me that one woman is enough and he can’t handle trying to balance/date more than one woman at a time. I think that statement sums it up for most of us that are looking for that lasting relationship.

I find myself questioning things, not sure what to do. My gut tells me that I should do something, and I seem to have to ask someone else for their opinion just to confirm my thoughts. The reality is that I have waited for two years to get to know this man, never expecting to. We are clicking on all levels so far and I am wondering if possibly, just possibly, this could be fate…or is it just a woman looking and hoping to be in a relationship?

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It was a good day. I’m embarrassed to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from today, but perhaps that is why it turned out to be a good one. There are actually many reasons why I wasn’t expecting much, but primarily because my birthday came and went with barely and utterance from my children. Throw on top of that the fact that I have been pretty sick the last few days and realistically, I didn’t expect to be up and about, let alone feeling appreciated.¬†

Today was the first day that I was able to eat and as such, my daughter ended up BBQing a steak dinner complete with chocolate cake for dessert. Prior to that, the kids and I spent time planting tomatoes and various plants. We got the computer up and running after a hiatus from which I needed to reformat it which, of course, means re-installing everything as well. 

I heard from friends that I haven’t heard from in quite some time wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day. One friend and I reconnected and it simply felt wonderful. Seems we have both been going through similar stuff in this big bad world.¬†

My children actually fought very little as far as sibling rivalry goes. There was definitely more positive interaction than negative which is always a plus. 

All in all, it was simply a good day.

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Boys should come with a warning:

May smell. Showers are limited and must be forced. 

What is it about boys that they can’t stand to take showers? My kid stinks. He needs a shower. While I worked in the yard, mowed, lawn mower maintenance, etc, he played in the dirt, the weeds, the grass, everything outside and now he stinks. Sadly, this doesn’t phase him.¬†

His sister started taking daily showers in the second grade. He’s in the second grade, but showers only come after a battle. Currently, he has waisted nearly 30 minutes trying to come up with ways to avoid the shower including, “All I need is a bucket so I can dump water on my head. That’s all I really need to wash is my hair.”¬†

Also…

“I don’t want to take a shower. Why do I have to take a shower?”

Me, “I don’t want to smell you. You STINK! Go take a shower, NOW.”

Praise God, I finally hear the water running and his body just slinked in. It’s about time!

I’ll be working on those warning labels.

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So, he contacted the state to get child support lowered. This is all fine and dandy. It is what it is. The state is involved because from day one, he refused to pay child support, thus the need to garnish. Since child support was established and re-established, nearly 7 years have passed. I have a steady income, more than I did 7 years ago, and no longer have child care expenses since my son hangs in my classroom with me after school. That being said, I expected child support to drop. What I did not expect was for it to decrease by 75%. 

Here are some facts:
1. He is a known liar. The first time around, he lied about his income by nearly $20,000.
2. He does seasonal work (construction) so in down seasons, he lives on unemployment. 
3. This is down season which means he is living on unemployment (and it should start picking up again real soon).
4. The state only holds you accountable for 1 month of pay stubs. That being said, as long as he has been on unemployment for about a month, that is the only income that he needs to claim. Not even the 2008 taxes are considered in this.  
5. He is telling the state that he only makes $24,000 a year. In 2002, his taxable income (yep, only his taxable income) was over $50,000. Do we really believe that in the last 7 years his income has decreased by nearly half rather than increase? He has been with the same company for 27 years, working his way up the ladder. 
6. The state calculates parenting time into the figures. The more you see your child, the less you pay. Since the original documents specify parenting time, he is credited for having our son for nearly 100 days out of the year. In¬†actuality, he has not seen our son in over 3 years…since December 2005. ¬†He made plans in Dec 2007 and canceled the night before. He hasn’t called in over a year. Before that, calls were random at best. No Christmas or birthday gifts, let alone phone calls, notes, cards, etc. So he gets credit for seeing his son even though he doesn’t. ¬†
7. I have not been able to find anything that either directly says or implies that layoffs have occurred.  

Looks like I am going to have to hire a lawyer just to make sure that child support is fairly calculated. This sucks. If only I could trust him to be honest, but honesty has never been one of his traits. Had I only realized that before I married him.

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After a long day of work followed by two meetings, picking one child up from school and picking another child up from a birthday party, I finally made it home. Having had a pretty good day and being fairly upbeat, I opened my front door and was confronted with a putrid smell similar to rotten meat. Horrified at what might be causing such an odor, I sat my things down to begin the investigation. By this time, my daughter had found the air¬†neutralizer¬†and had already begun spraying. I promptly told her to stop spraying until we could identify the source of repulse. At this time she stated, “It’s my science experiment.” Gag!!

She is growing bacteria in different environments such as the freezer, an incubator and of course at room temperature. If only I had realized the¬†repercussions¬†of such an experiment! That was yesterday, today is almost over, only tomorrow is left. I am counting down until the bacteria can be¬†destroyed¬†and we can decide how best to eliminate the odor. In the meantime, please don’t come knocking on my door because I won’t be letting you in!

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Death stares us in the face on a daily basis. We don’t realize it. We go on with our lives not thinking twice about anything. If you are my age and think like I used to think, you know you aren’t invincible, but you simply don’t think about how life can take one turn without warning and you are staring death in the face.¬†

Last year, life was going along like it always does until one morning when I woke up knowing that something was drastically wrong. I found myself in the hospital for 5 days, mostly in the ICU, surgery the day of my admittance, recovery period where I was out of work for several months, I had to use a walker, I couldn’t even stand long enough to take a shower, so much more…nine months later, I’m still in my recovery stages. The life that I knew changed over night. I wasn’t in a car accident, I didn’t have some major accident, I had a DVT – Deep Vein Thrombosis. Simply stated, I had a blood clot that ran from my ankle, all the way up my leg into my vena cava (the vein that joins both veins in your leg and meets in your abdomen) and starting to go into my right leg.¬†

At the time, I knew nothing about blood clots. I knew “old” people got them and that you can die from them. That’s the extent of it. I didn’t know that roughly 300,000 Americans die per year as a result of DVTs. I didn’t know that anyone can get one. I didn’t know that there were blood conditions that make you more susceptible to receiving one. I didn’t know that I had one of those conditions (Factor V Leiden).¬†

I now live with Post Thrombotic Syndrome  or Postphlebitic Syndrome (same thing, different name) and my life is forever changed. I am trying to get my strength and flexibility back. Everyday things such as shopping and even sitting or standing has to be done with much consideration. Leg cramps, coughing, dizziness, all of these things can now result in a trip to the hospital as I never know if or when I may get another DVT. 

When I was admitted to the hospital, my children were 14 and 7 years old. I am a single mom. Our world primarily consists of just us. I am my children’s care taker 24/7. They do not have weekend visits with Dad. They don’t go away for weeks or even nights at a time. Grandma and Grandpa live several hours away. We have no family in the area although we do have wonderful friends. My children and I are a tight family. Needless to say, my events terrified them.¬†

I had an incident of concern yesterday and my daughter, although trying to be strong, was barely holding herself together. I was puzzled by this. I knew that whatever was going on was not a big deal, I just needed to get it checked out. She finally admitted to me that the day she went to the hospital, the very first words she heard was from the surgeon stating, “She’s lucky to be alive.”¬†

I was fine the night before. I wasn’t fine the next morning. While I live with the physical results of my disorder, I think it is my daughter who has suffered the most. She knows and understands that I really should have died. She lives in fear that I just might. How do you comfort that? How do you convince a child that you are safe when the reality is, we just never know.¬†

I fully believe that I am alive so that I can continue to mother my children. I will not tempt this fate, this second chance at life. If only I could erase the burden of fear that my daughter now carries…

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