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Posts Tagged ‘single mothers’

Sometimes life hands us things and we don’t know what to do with it. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? It sure seems like a good thing, but there are things that have you questioning it all. At least that’s how it works in my brain.

Life has made me cautious, very cautious. In many ways this is a good thing. I tend to be able to read people like a book. I can generally let you know if someone is worth getting to know before they have opened their mouth. I can read body language and facial expressions well and I’m usually dead on.  I’ve learned to listen to my instincts and to rely on them.

I seem to be on this new path lately. Life veered significantly off trail just over a year ago and I seem to finally be at a place where I can start living again. Too bad it has taken so long. It seems like a wasted year, but that’s not fair to myself nor fair to the lessons that I have surely learned and am yet to realize.

There is much to be said about my life at the moment and so little that I actually want to say. Leann Rimes does a nice job of summing it up; Something’s Gotta Give.

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My daughter has been texting D for quite sometime. I figured that there was something between them, but got tired of asking. The other day, she asked if she could hang at the mall with D and J. I had to go anyways, so I didn’t mind dropping her off. We looked at the makeup and after she picked out what she needed, she was off to meet her friends. Not long after, I text her to come back because I found a shade that I thought she might like. 

She came back walking hand in hand with D. 

I smiled and said, “Wait a minute. Boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Sheepish grin, “Yes.”

“When did this happen?”

“Last night.”

He was perfectly nice and insisted on shaking my hand even though it had make up all over it. Tonight he asked daughter if I like him. 

“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know him. I’d have to talk to him a lot more.”

Ha! How cute that he wants me to like him. He’s got a few things going for him:

1. He came to meet me when he didn’t have to.
2. He was a gentleman and insisted on shaking my make up covered hand.
3. He cares if I like him or not.

I will have to kick his ass if he hurts my girl, though. I must be perfectly clear about that.

😀

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Ok, so I was going to be politically correct and suave, but I don’t feel like it anymore. So, if language offends you, stop reading NOW. 

“Ah, fuck it!”

One of the many consequences that my daughter is stuck with is a lack of a phone. If you don’t know why she has consequences, get caught up first by reading here, then here, here, here, here, and finally, here. It’s been a long week. Hell, it’s been a long year, but that isn’t what this particular blog is about. Anyway, I’m betting that you didn’t really click all of those links, so at least take the time to click the last link. It sums everything up rather nicely. Uh hem. As if “rather nicely” has a damn thing to do with any of this because frankly, all of this is bullshit and complete hell. Kind of like parenting. Parenting really is hell. That’s another blog, though. Also, here’s the disclaimer…I really do love my kids and would do anything for them, but parenting is so damn hard. Nice language I have going on here, don’t you think?

Ok, soooooo, back to my topic. My daughter no longer has her phone. I hand her the phone when she leaves for school and she immediately drops it back into my purse when I pick her up. The only reason that she is aloud to have the phone during the school day is because she is on a transfer and I need to pick her up after school. If I get stuck in a meeting or whatever, I must be able to get that message to her. 

Tonight, we stopped and grabbed a pizza before we came home. She received a text message asking if she got her phone back. I replied, asking who it was. Guess who it was? Guess! Guess I demand you!! Yes, it was 17 year old, sneak my daughter out of the house, get her drunk, blah blah boy. So….we had a “chat” and I eventually convinced him to meet us at the pizza parlor. I never told him that it was me, but I did tell him that he needed to come to the pizza parlor and “man up.” GUESS WHAT!!!! HE DID!!! AHAHAHAHAHA

Ok, so the conversation was tough. The kid was shaking and looked like he wanted to cry, but he found the balls to face me and fess up to it all. I can’t say that I like him. I’m too fricken pissed at him still, but it was great to see who the weasel was and to have him actually man up to it all. I was nice. My mother and teacher personalities took over and I talked to them straight about their choices, BUT I CONFRONTED HIM! Oh yeah. I feel good about having met him. I like that he was shaking and looked like he wanted to cry. I like that he took it all seriously and I do believe that he feels like shit about it all which is good. Also, I now know where he LIVES!!!! Hahahahaha

Of course, my daughter’s dad knows nothing about any of this and I don’t plan to tell him. Unfortunately, he has been calling and texting today so I guess that I am going to have to contact him. I’ll let him know that she is grounded for sneaking out, but I’ll leave out the rest of the information. She really is a good kid who made some VERY bad choices. She is in advanced classes and honor roll, drug free, blah blah blah. Sucks for her that she screwed up so badly. We haven’t even talked about all of her consequences yet, but there are some long term ones. I don’t think she’s ready to face them because right now, she’s too busy beating on herself emotionally. As I keep saying, “You made some very stupid choices. Now, you have to learn from them and move on. Don’t let them destroy you, grow from them.”

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Am I right to be angry with the 17 year old who picked up my 14 year old daughter, drove her to his house, provided her with so much alcohol that she got drunk and passed out and I could smell it on her for several hours later it was so bad? Are they really both “just kids” or, as a senior in high school, 3 years older than my freshman, should he be more responsible? I know they are both guilty and it was ultimately her choice, but I am so furious with him for making those options available to her. Am I wrong? Please tell me what you think.

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I woke up this morning to discover that my daughter wasn’t in her bed. In fact, she wasn’t at home and no where to be found. I feel like I am in a nightmare today. I am not shocked or surprised. My daughter has had a tough life and her father coming into town last weekend put her over the edge. So last night, she snuck out. She got drunk and she passed out. It’s now nearly 11 a.m. and she still reeks of alcohol. I fear how much she has drank. I held her. We cried. She talked. She talked a lot. I’ve always told her that if she ever finds herself in a bind to call and I’ll come and get her. For some reason, she was shocked that I really did come. 

Today, I’ll put on my tough exterior and do the things that I need to do. On the inside, I feel so lost and small. I wish I could take away all of her hurt and fears and make her see how much I really do love her. 

Parenting is so hard to do.

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When I asked her if she is upset with her father, she said, “No. This is exactly what I expect of him.”

Not even a goodbye?

*sigh*

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